Halloween Party 31st Oct

humm..last night was pretty ok... went to coco latte with 30 ppl on my side alone. there's already 30 ppl with me... the tix I order till siao already.... well my fren ask me to go then i called so many ppl he also shock...but the place a bit smaller than expected la...

When I'm leaving one of my ex boyfriend call me... he was at double O...well i got a few frens at double o and some at zouk... well i asked them if it was fun la... since my ex (one of my ex not the last bf) he wanted to come over to see me... so thinking long time nv see him le n he's my bro like tat la then i waited for him.

Ok the start of the dramatic night man... haiz... he came over n I can see he's drunk la like I expected cos I know when he club he sure drink alot with his frens till drunk... so I wasnt surprise...coco latte wasnt close to double o... they r like 15 to 20mins apart walking...after he reach he toh already... meaning he abit gone already la... cant stand still... I think the walk just made the alcohol pump faster in his blood stream that's y he was more drunk then b4...

So I asked him if he's alright and wanna bring him to the sofa but he was stubborn... well all the time my fren(jie ming) was beside me... I borrowed his hp cos mine low batt so my ex keep falling on me n I hav to hold him up n stuff like tat...somemore my sisters n frens were ard... (- . -)'''
Geez!!! I was very embarrass but I cant leave him alone la cos he my bro ma. then he started talking abt lots of stuff...summarise the things he said:(Don be like tat ur bf wont be happy to see me n u like tat(bf referring to jie ming)... then he said things like I was never the one for you... you deserve better but you are always the only one...they always mistake me... I'm no good for you so forget me... forget abt me... I'll nv be a good boyfren for you... I'm always the wrong one... I'll never be good enough...forget me...I'll be ok... then he tell me sis:"I'm ok but I donno ur sis(me) will be ok or not)

Well I think from all that I think he's saying out loud for himself most of the time...I'm over him...but I guess he was not... I nv hear this from him... even when we meet up(alone or with a group) he nv say how he feels he'll just keep everything up n kept quiet. I told him jie ming n me will walk him back to double o to find his frens but he don wanna he asked me to leave cos everyone was waiting for me... I asked him to call his fren to come get him then he called... I told him he's not thinking straight so we'll talk again... but he just said: I'll only say this kinda things when i've too much to drink so don bother...

It was like 30mins then my sis cant wait n I cant let then wait too... so I asked jie ming to take care of him... poor jie ming he likes me so he was very upset to see me n him like tat... but I didn expect this to happen... I'm still very shocked n embarrassed!!!

Then I left...said sorry to my company...we went for supper n i called jie ming he said my ex fren bring him back already so don worry... n he said cant u tell he really loves u n the both of them actually had a chat while waiting for his fren... but tat bitchy jie ming didn wanna tell me... he say men's talk... well I just told him sorry to bother him n I didn expect it... I think I owe him one....haiz...

Well story of me n my ex... he is my 1st bf n i'm his 1st... tat was when we were in sec 1... super damn long ago right... well we kept in contact... I was popular n childish then, so it was me who wanted a break up cos i think he was too shy to do anything...don even dare hold my hand...well we were young.
Then we started going out with my group of frens beginning of this year when I met him n my ex sch mates while shopping... so we all went out as a group... the guys will ride n bring us ard... tat time he told me i'm still the only one he likes cos he met alot of girls(esp in the clubs n sch) he is tall n pretty gd looking la...but he nv bothers to get their numbers cos he don like them like he like me...he even try to lie tat he did hav other girlfrens after me but he was a bad liar so me n my frens didn believe him n he admit I'm the only one... he always hav a very bad temper until now when me n him kinda close n together...

But something happened then the riding days r over b4 spinnovex... then he returned to his bad temper again n was worst tat he starts to annoy some of the guys in the group... well I donno man... I like him more as a bro now cos my aim in life is diff from him la... cant really see my future with him...I'm more ambitious...haiz wat shld I do... He even tell me in his blabbering that he's work will be stable after 1 or 2 years... he asked me can I wait for him cos he don hav time for a girlfren cos his career is not stable now... maybe I'll wait if it's worth the wait... but breaking up with me during the wait...humm... don seems to be a good decision... cos it makes me free to accept other guys... I'm loyal only when I'm in a relationship... so I cant wait when I'm not in one la... u just got to tie me down man n when I love you I don mind being tied with you hehehe *blush*

Well I wonder y some loves me so much yet the ones I love breaks my heart.
Do you guys really think it's for the best? You wouldnt have time for me n I would suffer? You don think you can give me happiness or you r not worth my love? Why is tat always the reason for breaking up with me? Is it really for the best? Is it really for my good? Is it just a selfish act so that you dont feel so bad abt yourself? Well have you ever think of how I feel? When I love you I do not bother abt how much time can you spend with me, I do not care if you cant always be by my side or shower me with love n gifts. Even if there's alot of better choice ard me... I'm still blinded by your love. By telling me to forget abt you and you are not worth it just makes it a selfish excuse to make yourself live better. Why wont you let me go thru all the pain you r going thru with you? Why do u always think it's for my good? It's not good at all for me. It's not good at all!! This is to all my exs who told me they are not worthy of me.